“You may find that making a difference for others makes the biggest difference in you.” ~ Brian Williams
I normally write about baseball or at least something related to sports. It’s my “comfort zone” I suppose. I’ve played baseball just about my whole life. I’ve never been a star, never been “the guy” on any team, but I play with my whole heart and being. I’ve said this for years, but baseball is my first love. An old friend once said she was jealous of me because I had discovered my true passion early in life, baseball, and writing about it, guess I’m just lucky. Today’s post is not about sports, I’m taking a giant leap beyond my normal boundaries. I know this is a sports blog, but it’s my blog and this story needs to be told. Be kind.
I believe all my regular readers know that I am a Certified Personal Trainer. I own my own business, Coach Mike’s Personal Training. I have a wide variety of clients, working / contracting at a couple gyms, some individual personal clients, Benedictine Monks and doing senior fitness (as well as guitar music for memory care residents) at a few assisted living facilities.
I met Sharon in August of 2013 at one of the facilities. I have no idea how old she was at the time, but she was on the younger side of the average resident which at the time was 86. She was ambulatory, was able to perform all the seated and standing exercises with the resistance bands and hand weights we used in the group session. She seemed to enjoy it. Sharon was talkative, good natured, positive, and appeared happy much of the time. She was usually in the company of an older gentleman, Harry who made sure she made it to all the activities. I got the feeling that she might have the beginning of some memories issues and Harry kept her on track.
Sharon and I began to have twice a week conversation prior to the sessions. I can’t tell you what we talked about, but we had fun. She was a human being that you just enjoyed being around.
I guess it was in the third or fourth year I was at the facility that Sharon mentioned that her birthday was coming up and that she had never had a birthday party. Sharon explained that since her birthday was in January, her mother never allowed her a party as she didn’t want the kids tracking snow into their home. I never knew if this was true or not, but I took her at her word. After the session that day I asked the Activity Director if I could bring in a birthday cake for Sharon and have a small party. Janelle said it was a marvelous idea and to go ahead.
Sharon’s birthday fell on a day I was training, so I picked up a birthday cake, candles, theme plates and of course a birthday tiara. I got to the facility early and put the party accessories out of sight and the cake in the refrigerator. After the session, I told everyone to gather around the tables and brought everything out, placed the tiara on Sharon’s head and we all sang Happy Birthday. She had tears in her eyes, blew out her candles, had her cake and just kept thanking everyone. We sat around talking and Sharon asked when my birthday was as she wanted to throw me a party. I explained that mine was exactly six months after hers (July 25th if you want to keep track), but I had been allowed to have kid parties and a few adult ones too. But Sharon was having none of that, she said she was going to throw me a party.
A month or so later Harry passed away and Sharon seemed a little lost. She still came to the exercise sessions, but she just didn’t seem as focused. I found out she was working with and being evaluated by a specialist (for lack of a better term). She eventually was moved to the facility’s memory care / Reminiscence floor. Many facilities refer this as “Life Guidance”, I really prefer that term. The first time I went to that floor after Sharon was moved, she saw me and was surprised that I was coming to “this facility”; she didn’t realize she had merely moved to another floor.
Over the next few months Sharon sometimes knew who I was, and we talked, but frequently she had no clue who I was. She also had trouble following the exercises and instructions. I was saddened to say the least, but I realized as I had been experiencing the decline of other residents, that this was just how it was going to be.
My birthday happened to fall on a day I was at the facility. I stepped off the elevator and walked into the exercise area and Sharon was sitting there. She stood up, called me by name, and wished me a happy birthday. I fought back the tears. I cannot explain how she remembered the date. No one at the facility knew when my birthday was, so how with her failing memory that fact stuck with her is anyone’s guess. She gave a me a hug and participated in the session. No cake or tiara but it was special. I’ll never understand it, nor will I ever forget it.
As the years passed, the reminiscence group became less engaged in activities as did Sharon and it was suggested that I stop doing exercises with them and just play music weekly. It was well received and brightens their day. One week I met one of Sharon’s former co-workers. She told me that Sharon had no idea who she was, but she enjoyed the visit. Over all the years going to that facility, I never met any of Sharon’s family. I don’t know if her husband was still alive or not, but I knew she had children, but they didn’t visit while I was there. I was eventually told that they didn’t really treat her well.
Sharon went into hospice care and died this past November in her room. I saw her a couple days before she passed. She was a shell of herself but sat there and smiled during the music. One of the staff was with her most of the day, so she didn’t die alone. I found out on my next visit. She was the last and my favourite resident of my original group there. I took it very hard.
My great uncle Martin passed away from Alzheimer’s complications in May of 2016. His one son, Jeff said that he experienced his dad dying twice. The first time when he stopped being his dad due to his not always knowing what was going on and the second, when he physically passed. I think this is true and gave me a different perspective of the residents with whom I worked.
I miss my friend, but she is in a better place, I believe she is herself again. I feel the same of the family we have lost to this disease as well. I believe I gave of myself to Sharon, and I know she taught me so very much and did “make a big difference in me.” I invest in all of the residents I work with, and my life has been enriched. I am grateful and thankful.
My sister Karen works in the Alzheimer’s Association. It is a worthwhile cause. If you’d like to donate or join her 2023 Walk to End Alzheimer’s – Southwest Suburban (Orland Park, IL) it’s on that link. Her walk team is called “Forever Gentle on My Mind” in memory of my great uncle Martin Rochford and Glen Campbell.
Thanks for reading and indulging me in my rare breakaway from baseball and sports. I wish you a blessed holiday season. As Arlo Guthrie, the folk singer would say, “Happy Merry Everything.”
~ Coach Mike
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My kind of post! Beautiful story! I remember you telling me about Sharon, I am sorry you lost her! Sounds like you made a difference in her life and she impacted yours.
Such a beautiful story♥️ Thank you so much for sharing and caring so deeply😘 You have an AMAZING heart filled with so much love 💕